This
exercise can be done “content free”. There is no need to tell
anyone else about the situation you recall or your thoughts as you
work through the exercise. In fact, the exercise works better
without the sharing of content. If you do want to share, please
wait till all steps have been completed.
It is much easier to do, at least for the first few times,
with a facilitator.
Steps
1.
Identify a communication you (A) had with one other person
(B). This exchange with B felt unsatisfactory and you are curious
to learn from the experience. It is usually easier to learn the
Exercise with an example of
not so good communication rather than one of your worst
memories. If the communication lasted some time it is also useful
to identify a particular part of it that seems more significant
for your learning.
2.
Return to the time of the communication. Remember what it
was like. What do you want to achieve? What are you seeing,
hearing, feeling and thinking? What do you hear yourself say? What
is it that B says or does that you feel most strongly about?
3.
Break
state.
E.g. jump up and down or think of something that you really enjoy
doing.
4.
Go back to the time of the communication. This time imagine
what it was like for B. Stand or sit in “B’s place”. Assume
their posture and facial expression. Using your imagination
understand what it is like to be B. What is B seeing, hearing,
feeling and thinking? What is it that A says or does that B feels
most strongly about?
5.
Break
state
6.
Return to step 2, being yourself. But this time you are
better informed by your experience of being B.
7.
Break
state.
8.
Go to a third position (C) from where you can observe the
communication between A and B.
It helps to use as distance for this. As C you feel
detached about what happens, it’s just data, you are seeing
things more clearly and objectively. Notice how A and B seem to be
playing a game and how you sense you understand the rules of that
game. Accept all these insights as just information, like
scientist watching ants at work.
9.
Break
state.
10.Return
to step 2, being yourself. Again you are better informed by your
experience of being detached.
11.
Break state.
12.Go
to a fourth position (D). It is often useful to stand on something
to give you a different perspective. Look at the relationship
between A, B and C. Be aware of the insights that C has which A
will use next time round. Now imagine A and C swapping places. As
C communicates with B what is different?
And what does A realise can be done differently.
Have them swap back and let A try out communicating with
the insights learned from being B and C.
13.Visit
all the positions again to take from them all resources you want
to make readily available for future communicating. You might do
this by spending time in each position, feeling the full strength
of the insights and states and deciding what it is you want
available as a conscious resource.
14.When
the integration is completed, go back to Step 2,
(A communicating with B). Check if there is anything you
still want to have as a resource from the positions.
15.Go
back to Step 4. (B communicating with A). Notice how different the
experience is for B now that A is using the resources from all of
the positions.
16.Finally,
step back into A and think of a time in the future when the
resources you have found within yourself might be useful to you.
What sorts of things will first signal to you that now is a good
time to access the resources you have just added to your
repertoire?
Once
you have learned to swap easily from one position to another this
exercise can be done without moving in space. However, it is often
more powerful if done physically.
As
well as reviewing what happened in a meeting this approach could
be used to rehearse mentally for a meeting. For example, trying
out different ways of delivering a message and watching the
imagined responses of the other person to help you decide the
approach that will be most useful.
Building 
Use the